Someone told me they appreciate the way I wrestle with God. I always saw wrestling as a lack of surrender, and I guess thats true. But its also true that I believe He’s real enough to wrestle with.
And I guess thats it, its not that I want to wrestle with Him, but I always end up wrestling Him. I don’t see it as a complete rebellion but as my way to find surrender. I don’t have to climb in the ring, but after a while I find myself climbing through the ropes. The truth is I almost always want to loose. I don’t wrestle like I used to, with rebellion and anger, and a hard heart.
In the famous story where Jacob wrestles God in the Bible, Jacob leaves with a limp for the rest of his life. I’ve already been beaten like that. I’ve already surrendered. So my wrestling is to remember that Jesus is Lord, and surrender the things that take my peace. Jesus you are my Lord.